Dream Killers Beware

Most of us are dream killers. First we murder our own aspirations and then when we’re done with that, we do the same to others.

Don’t be a dream killer

Think of a time when you wanted to pursue something. I don’t know. Like being an athlete, dancer or musician when you were 15 years old. And what did you hear? ‘You only have a one in a million chance to make it. You have to be practical. There’s no money in it. You should focus on a career.’

Why are they negative?

What is it about the people who are excited about life, that causes everyone else to get into a frenzy and try to destroy their dreams?

I don’t know your situation, but maybe you have a parent who always derided your passion. You were hitting the gym every day, and this person kept telling you that you were wasting your time and money. Maybe they started laughing at you, turning it into a joke or putting you down in a cruel way.

Why did they do that? Simple really. The same thing happened to them at some point in their lives. And the barrage of attacks was too much for them to handle so they gave up on their interests….not only gave up, but decided to join in and ruin their own joy. The same sort of negative thing that was said to you was said to them. It’s too bad these people don’t share their disappointments with you. I guess they’re ashamed of their past and they won’t tell you what it is that they gave up.

Have the courage to pursue your path

You don’t have to give up on your dreams. Actually you have a responsibility to fight for them if you want to be happy. No matter what people say, it doesn’t matter. Forget about them. They don’t know what’s best for you. If you like science, and someone says there’s no money in science….only one in a thousand graduates get a research job and you’re wasting your time, you say: “Doesn’t matter. maybe I won’t get a research job, but I can be a teacher or an engineer.” You try for what you want, and if you don’t get there, those skills get you somewhere.

But you don’t have to put all your eggs in one basket. You can do more than one thing at a time. You can have a few passions that you focus on. You can love dancing, skiing, woodwork, and accounting. You can do them all. Why not? It expands your horizons because you learn new skills, meet people and open up opportunities…and you’re having fun. I knew someone who was a school principal and a weekend musician. There’s lots of examples out there.

I’ve noticed that the people who try to crush your spirit are always miserable. When I was younger I had a girlfriend use the example of Icarus of Greek mythology to explain why I would be an unhappy loser in life. She said that I would fly too close to the sun. Yes she was telling me my wax would melt and I would crash into the sea metaphorically because I didn’t want to settle for less. Either she didn’t think I could make it or she didn’t want me to. But she was wrong. I’m still here, moving along, up and down and enjoying the ride.

Don’t be afraid of failure

It doesn’t matter if people threaten you with failure. We can all fail. As a matter of fact, if you are too young to know I will let you in on a secret. Every single person has failed at multiple times in their life, no matter how successful they may seem now. So you shouldn’t be afraid of it. You should go directly into it. Fail and fail again. It means you are trying. You’re learning. Those who sit on the sidelines never fail, but they never win either.

Don’t label yourself as a winner or loser. It will just hold you back, because if you think of yourself as a winner, you will become smug and complacent and brag about how successful you are. The inertia from your attitude will make you fail because you won’t try anymore. If you call yourself a loser, you will give up hope and not even try because what’s the point anyway.

Today is the day

You’ve gotta live in the present moment. Don’t get stuck in the past or live for the future. Neither exists. What exists is now, and this is where our lives are shaped. Every moment should be meaningful, and that’s why you should place your bet on the path that is right for you.

It’s up to you

How do you know what’s the correct path? You really have to be in tune with yourself. You will feel it. If you go off course, you will know. There is no book, person or anything else that can help you. It’s all you.

And you have to totally believe in something for it to work. Any time you start lying to yourself, you will get it wrong. Like if you want to be a pilot, and you don’t have good vision. Even if you ace all the tests, you will fail the most important one. Pursuing a dream like that would be causing a life of misery for yourself.

Quitting a stable job and moving to L.A. to be a famous actor may not be the smartest move. If you want to be an actor, join a local theater group on the weekends or take a part time job in a t.v. station. You can eat while you pursue your thing.

Dreams can be realistic

So when we talk about dreaming, we are not talking about illusory thoughts. When we are sleeping, we can do all kinds of absurd things, but not in real life.

If we are dreamers, we have to be kind of responsible about it. Not only do we need the intelligence, imagination, drive and patience to carry it out, but we also have to be realistic with our feet planted firmly on the ground.

You are not silly to pursue your passion

We don’t need to rely on others to build us up, but wouldn’t it be nice if you got some credit once in awhile? I’m thinking about it from the perspective of a kid. If you’ve got a kid you want to protect from the harshness of life, do you think it would be better to teach him or her that having dreams is silly because they won’t work out? It’s not the best way to protect them. You’re sending a bad signal. You’re telling them that there is a huge possibility that they are going to fail. And when you do that you are setting up a self fulfilling prophesy. Think back to the time you were passionate about something and you had it stolen from you. Would you not have had a better life if you would have people supporting you at that crucial moment of your life, instead of putting you down?

In a way this could be a redemption for you. You didn’t have the courage to protect yourself when you were young, so now you have the chance to help someone who is starting out. You are setting him or her on a path of happiness by allowing them to be themselves. And by doing that, you may dust off the thing you put on a shelf and pursue it again.

One exception: when dreams are destructive

Now I;m not telling you that you have to support everything somebody does, because sometimes their dreams are just bad or they are not going to work out.

Parents should discourage their kids from doing harmful things even if they could be successful at it. I mean, you wouldn’t want your kid to be really good at murder, right? If that were the case, you would have to kill his dreams by calling the cops.

Or say they are pursuing athletics and want to win so badly that they decide to take steroids. This has to be addressed. Although, instead of banning exercise, or punishing them, you need to show them good examples of all the athletes that don’t take drugs. Educate them about the risks of performance enhancing drugs. Tell them that the trophy you get from cheating will be no consolation, when you lose your liver or kidneys. And if they don’t listen, you may have to pull them out altogether. It may be necessary.

We have to remember that it’s all a balancing act. Encourage them, but if they are going down the wrong path, you need to do something about it. But you guide them instead of punishing them if you can.

If you don’t try to fulfill your dreams, you become bitter

How many times have you heard: “oh he’s such a dreamer?” It’s so derogatory when people say that because it means that you are foolishly unrealistic. You are on the path to destruction.

However, I think the opposite is true. If you give up on the things you want to do, you will ruin yourself. You’ll lose all meaning in life and become a wretched human being. And then, there you go, full circle, you will be the person who is putting people down and destroying their dreams.